Letting go. Oh, it is so difficult. I chain myself to the things I battle to surrender.
Whether I hold on to the plans I have for my future. Or whether it is my sin or a degrading pattern that I won’t give up. Or it could be holding onto pain and shame. It could be our family and friends. No matter what it is–I have found that we (I) like to cling tightly to these things.
Why? Maybe because of familiarity. Or comfort, or stability, or fear, or control.
And yet we are called to live a life of surrender, where our desires are actually not originally authored by ourselves.
“Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4)
Some read this and take joy in the fact that, “As soon as I delight in God, I will have everything I want–my heart’s desires will finally be mine.” My less mature self used to read this verse in that fashion.
But the more I walk with Jesus, the more I delight in Him. And the more I delight in Him, the more I realize my desires and ambitions and dreams and satisfactions are actually defined by Him. They are in their very existence and essence–His. Because He changes us when we seek Him. And when we seek Him, we find Him (He promises so). And when we find Yawheh, how could we not delight in who He is?
Yet I wrestle the Lord to bind myself with the things which I don’t want to release.
Still I know: my freedom is found in surrender. What a beautiful paradox.
Lord, help me to surrender and let go. To take delight in greater things–in things of You. Amen.